"Pimbus Pumbloom may just be this year's new standout amateur author with their unique talent for word combination and new, innovative plot structure."
I will now feature a short story written by this new stand-out author.
Two Jumpy Uncles Shooting to the Beat
A Short Story
by Pimbus Pumbloom
Pico had always loved hot Pennsylvania with its bad, bulbous buildings. It was a place where he felt angry.
He was a dumb, silly, apple juice drinker with a ginger neck and skinny hair. His friends saw him as a curried, clever cat. Once, he had even helped a naughty Starbucks Green Tea Frappuccino cross the road. That's the sort of man he was.
Pico walked over to the window and reflected on his yellow surroundings. The sun shone like hugging birds.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Boyfriend. Boyfriend was a moody dog with a wet neck and blue hair.
Pico gulped. He was not prepared for Boyfriend.
As Pico stepped outside and Boyfriend came closer, he could see the yellow glint in his eye.
Boyfriend gazed with the affection of 2641 extravagant burnt bees. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want Vocal Cords."
Pico looked back, even more smiley and still fingering the gummy gun. "Boyfriend, shooba dowop," he replied.
They looked at each other with confused feelings, like two famous, fragile fish running at a very polite Court Hearing, which had funk music playing in the background and two jumpy uncles shooting to the beat.
Suddenly, Boyfriend lunged forward and tried to punch Pico in the face. Quickly, Pico grabbed the gummy gun and brought it down on Boyfriend's skull.
Boyfriend's wet neck trembled and his blue hair wobbled. He looked sad, his emotions raw like a melted, moaning mic.
Then he let out an agonizing groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Boyfriend was dead.
Pico went back inside and made himself a nice drink of apple juice.
Praise for Pimbus Pumbloom's debut short story:
"I feel like I know Pico. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."
- The Daily Tale
"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."
- Enid Kibbler
"Saying the sun shone like hugging birds is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop